What now hipsters?

I have been following the Occupy Wall Street movement since it began. I watched live on the internet when the police cleared out Boston, and then Seattle. I watched as protestors were locked in a bank and subsequently arrested. I watched the video of protestors being attacked in Oakland with tear gas, then it was on to Denver, with rubber bullets. I have read their list of demands, listened to them speak out in the media, and analyzed the media’s biased responses in turn.

The media portrayed them as hippies. It was a comical response, I thought, since it could not be true. Firstly, hippies do not exist. I live in Denver, a city next to a virtual Mecca for would-be hippies. The only thing that skulks around Boulder are credit-card hippies, stoners, and the occasional intellectual with too much facial hair. I have never seen an actual hippy in my entire life. Were it not for the Woodstock footage there would really be no proof that they ever existed.  Secondly, the media lies - constantly and purposefully - in case you didn’t know that. So obviously they were not hippies. I was a bit disappointed.

So I watched some interviews with “the man on the street.” I went to the internet and started watching various clips from movements around the country. I wanted to get the feel for the people in this movement. I wanted to know what they thought about the state of this country, and more importantly, what their ideas were to fix it. Of course, there was not a hippy among them. There were some pretend ones for sure, but for the most part the people I saw were the people I expected to see. The tragically uninformed and grossly dependant demanding more from their government.  Still no actual hippies.

Then I moved onto the organizers, or leaders if you want to call them that. I expected to see more of the same dependant fools but was instead greeted by the worst segment of the American population; hipsters.
Do not confuse hipsters with hippies. Hippies stink, hipsters do not. However, as annoying as hippies are, hipsters are even worse. Hipsters like to cry. They cry about everything. The more mundane and meaningless the offense, the more they cry. They cried when Michael Jackson died. They cried when Starbucks raised their prices. They cried when the iPhone 4 didn’t work right. They nearly rioted when Face book changed formats. The easiest way to spot a hipster is on Face book. They are the people posting about how rough their day was in an effort to get other hipsters to cry with them. Or they post pictures of every event they go to so other people will think they have an interesting life. Hipsters are like infants. They need constant attention or they will die.

Now, after all that time wasted, I have arrived at the only logical conclusion I could. It is not an answer to the problem, but rather a question for the entire movement. What now? The question is simple, and needs an answer, because from what I have seen so far the Occupy movement is impotent and blind. Every attempt they have made to get a foothold has been thwarted by the police and authorities. They are now routinely swept out of parks and city squares. The police violence is escalating and they can’t even go into a bank to close their accounts without being herded in and hauled away like the cattle the system knows that they are. Revolutions are nasty business. You are never going to talk a rich man into poverty, particularly when you are targeting the wrong rich man. Perhaps if someone posted that little fact on face book the hipsters would clue in to it. Maybe Starbucks can write it on the side of their cups. Either way, at some point, this is going to get nasty if they keep on pushing. At some point one of these cities is going to pop and from what I have seen, most of these people are ill prepared for any confrontation of that magnitude.

So you can thank the hipsters ahead of time. You can thank them for the impending police state that these protests will create. You can thank them for second world socialism, or worse, complete global fascism. Pat them on the back and tell them what a wonderful job they have done in aiding the powers-that-be with their plans to destroy America. Pet them gently and whisper in their ear that they were right to never actually take a stand. Tell them to tweet all about it.

I can say one thing for the hipsters, though. I guarantee that their efforts will be rewarded. They will have plenty to cry about when all of this is over.